Part 4: Flowers and Rainbows

You know when you’re like, “Wow, I think I kind of have my life together!! I actually know what I’m doing!! I’m in such a good place!!”, and then that really funny thing happens when the world is like, “Haha 😊 Psych!!”. You know what I’m talking about? Isn’t that so funny!! I love that for us.

So, I came to the realization recently that being on basically a four month “vacation” does not shield you from the negative aspects of life.

I also realized that I am never going to know what I’m doing. With school. With relationships. With emotions. With life. Adults? A scam. And no, I’m not meaning that in my usual ‘I’m being overly dramatic’ type of way. I mean there’s no blueprint for life. There’s no “right” way to do things; there’s no “right” way to feel things, regardless of any social norms. And I think that’s one of the greatest misconceptions in life.

Everyone is battling their own battles internally, and I’m going to go do something kind of ~crazy~ and share mine.

Spoiler alert: sometimes I’m not having as much fun in my pictures as it looks. Sometimes I get sad, even if I’m in one of the most astonishing places of the world. In fact, just yesterday I was struggling to even have one singular positive thought. While I was so grateful and appreciative of the beautiful city I was in and people I was around, my emotions were on full blast, and I honestly just wanted to be cuddled up on my basement couch watching a movie alone. I was starting to think something was wrong with me for a little. Actually, who knows, there might be. (Kidding, I’m perfect. Clearly.) I became really anxious, and I was stressing over

e v e r y t h i n g,

the smallest details, which overall caused me to isolate myself because that’s my default when my emotions are on edge. It was my best and worst day yet; a very weird feeling to wrap my head around.

However, my point-

While being abroad has been one the most rewarding and eye-opening experiences, I want my future self to remember that this journey wasn’t perfect. There weren’t flowers and rainbows every second of the day, even if my pictures say otherwise. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy, which is why I did it. However, I think that I need to stay true to myself and not just recognize all the pretty parts of this adventure, which is why I wanted to give a little reminder from me to me (and whoever else needs it):

You’re feeling what you’re feeling for a reason.

Acknowledge it. Reflect on it. Learn from it.

“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”

And that’s. the. TEA.

Now, moving on. Let me fill ya in, since it’s been a minute.

Amsterdam highlights:

· Visiting the national holocaust museum, a very emotional and heartfelt experience. I highly recommend.

· Getting wine drunk on a late nigh canal tour, so freaking pretty (and not just talking about me).

· Touring the countryside of Holland which included me discovering my new life goal: HOUSE BOATS. Actual houses, but floating.

· Visiting a few small villages and the windmills to see how oil paints are produced.

· Touring the cheese and clog factory!! Sadly, I did not buy a pair of my own, but I did spend a solid $42 on cheese. 😊

Budapest Highlights:

· First and foremost, staying in a party hostel. An experience in itself.

· Seeing all the BEAUTIFUL scenery Budapest has to offer including the shoe memorial.

· Spending all day at the thermal baths, which I will be installing in my future back yard.

· Reuniting with my beautiful Serbian, Mili. <3

· Finding our way on another party bus. Hahahaha.

· Meeting a very friendly Aussie who, and I quote, “Fawkin lavs ya.” And also stealing his scarf, thanks Ryan. Lav ya.

· Having the best chicken burger of my entire life that I still have dreams about.

Croatia Highlights:

· Snorkeling on an 8-hour booze cruise.

· CLIFF JUMPING.

· Catching golden hour every single night and morning.

· Eating some quality chicken and French fries.

· Being in the presence of the making of Game of Thrones (even though I’m not a true fan and have only seen the first three seasons).

· Staying in some of the cutest Airbnb’s I’ve ever seen.

At first, I thought that Amsterdam was my favorite trip, but looking back, I’m undecided. They’re all literally so freaking incredible in their own unique way, and I’m OBSESSED.

This last weekend, I went to Moravia, which is about 2.5 hours away from Prague, and got to see a different part of the Czech Republic. It was green hills and valleys, and it almost felt a little like home, minus the hills and valleys. We wine tasted, ate lots of really good food, toured a tea factory, and did a day trip to Vienna. A fantastic weekend with fantastic people.

But I think this novel is long enough, so I’ll wrap it up.

Talk soon : )

xx

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